ATIQAH'S RITE OF PASSAGE

Dearest Atiqah,

Here's an open letter for you, my first-born.

Hours ago, at approximately 11am, on the 24th of July 2010, on a day so promising, I brought you into CCK McDonald's toilet, only to find that you are no longer just a baby. No longer, just my baby.

I know you were petrified. You think it's all a mix-up. You cried in my arms asking if you'd ever be able to fast again. And I held you tight, reassuring you that all will be fine because today, from this moment on, you will someday be able to have babies like the way I had you.

That, it all begins with a moment like this, when your body shows signs that it is ready to turn you into a woman.

And now, now that I've finally managed to let you sleep in my arms after I've rubbed away the ache that you've mistaken for signs of bowel movements, finally, finally, Mummy, finds the words to describe her emotions.

Baby,

It was only 9 and a half years ago that I laid eyes on you and you were swaddled in a pink blanket and you looked at me, all blissful and from henceforth, I know, my baby, you'll forever be.

But I guess, at that time, as time stood still, I had no understanding that a moment like this will come.

Yes, I thought it was a rite of passage the first day I sent you in the school bus to kindy..

And then came the day, you graduated from kindy..

Then once again, I remember the day when it was your first day of primary school or the first time you came on stage to enact a skit for Teachers' Day...

But nothing prepared me for this..Your first step in your rite of passage...

Today, as your mummy, I suddenly see a future that may possibly unfold for you.

The day you graduate from formal schooling...

The first day you step out to meet your employer..

Or the day you set up your own business..

Or the day you'll take an airplane all by yourself.

Or the day you packed your bags to move into your own pad...

Or the day you marry..

Or the day that you don't and you tell me you'd rather circle the Earth..

Or the day that you announce that you've found your one true love and that you no longer want to circle the Earth but instead stay rooted where Home is..

Or the day you didn't find that true love but you've found instead a passion that you hold so true..

Or the day you say you are pregnant..

Or the day that you say you'd adopt..

Or the day that you'd say.."Look Mama, I'm all grown-up..."

And on those days, I hope..I will be able to say to you...

Darling Atiqah,

I've tried the BEST way I know how to model for you, a thing or two or more, of what it means to be a woman...a righteous, courageous and beautiful woman. But most of all, I hope, I have had the honour of guiding you to be a liberated woman..for that was what I'd named you..Light of Liberation. And that I pray that I have done everything, to the best of my ability, as your mother, to love you and to receive love from you. And now, it's your turn to carry your own torch, to do by what is right for you and those dear and cherished around you, so help you God."

Today I am reminded again of my duties to uphold, as your mother, while Time is still on my side. Remind me if I forget.


Love,
Mama