Cross-roads

It's June again...almost 2 years have passed since the first entry..I read and re-read all of what I'd written and it is somehow reassuring to be reminded of events past. Feels like jolts of life for bits of memory which were almost forgotten and yet, with words written, they are now preserved for posterity.

Alas, the sum total of things that mattered these last 2 years, have been captured in words that embodied their meaning and significance. I'm glad to be reminded that the Tampines home is a fresh start, Haz's baby has finally arrived, not to mention, Jun's and soon, Belle's baby too, Oni still owes me that Malay book and I have yet to write the collection of Mummy stories, though I have finally encashed the $60 SPH paid me for the article. So, a new blogging year has almost dawned upon me yet again, hence my responsibility for an update.

My sister's just had her wedding-of-the-year, the Bedok family is seemingly finally reunited, my daughter's joining a Madrasah next year, the Knowledge Circle has been successfully inaugarated in May, though not much has transpired between us three.

I attempted to join TARA2, though no call had come through.

The brood of TK girls are planning a 20th year Anniversary of Friendship...let's see how that materialises.

I'm planning to travel to Jakarta and Japan, if Allah permits.

All is good, except...

There is a heaviness in my heart. I know this heart does not belong where it's supposed to be. It longs to be free. To be in solitude.

There is no use in looking back to what should-have-been. Another 20 years...or so it seems...to be dutifully subdued into honouring my responsibilities. Had I known that this was to be so, would I have trodden down this same path? I don't know..except for the fact that all of these had been decreed. There is no power within me to fight this.

The only question that remains is what next?

Should I forsake responsibilities in part for the pursuit of personal freedom?

Should I bear the boredom of having to be responsible for the needs of others, only to pacify the self with the promise of eternal bliss, if not further opportunities later on in life?

Do I continue to ignore the stark disparity between the selves?

Do I continue to live not to the eventual fullest?

Do I this or do I that?

A moment's reflection..please