IF ONLY CONFIDENCE COMES IN A CAN..

We amuse over muses, life coaches, Oprah Winfrey and the likes of those who are able to draw out one's inspiration. We may even pay big money, if not, spend hours in front of that google box.

If only confidence comes in a can, like chicken mushroom soup, my daughter's favourite preschool snack.

I'd buy cartons of it for myself, my family, friends even foe because everyone needs a little of that every now and then, right? "Here, have a can, have some confidence."

I remember those times when confidence exudes and you blow your mind with the things you can do, beyond belief, beyond wonders.

I remember that one time when I completely believed in the wonders of a smile thrown my way from a senior in Drama Class. Out came the magic markers, scraps of scented paper and a heartfelt love poem. My hopes and dreams were sealed in that carefully-folded love letter, with all the confidence that only an eleven-year old could muster. As it turned out, this 15-year old wasn't really smiling at me but at that other tall beauty behind me who supposedly had pledged her sistahood! Imagine that! Misplaced confidence, misplaced confidence. (Shake your head fifteen times as you read this.)

Oh well, this once 15-year old heart-throb still grace my local google box and each time I see him, I chuckle at the thought of that lost confidence. How on earth did I think he was at all smiling at me?

Those who are wondering who this guy is...erm...don't even bother asking. I didn't know what I was thinking. But I'd have to add that he was kind when of course, with a much subdued chuckle, he opened my first ever, honest-to-goodness, love letter. He said, "Do continue to study hard and you may find somebody far better and nearer your age."

Oh man! I took his advice, hook, line and sinker! To save my broken ego and shattered over-confidence, I studied like there was no tomorrow. I came in second in my primary school that following year, beating over 400 other kids in that now, defunct school. Even the government deemed me good enough to top 10% of the nation's entire 12-year old cohort and thus I became a priviledged but green Tanjong Katong Girl.

I've yet to thank K.S. for his 'sagely' advice, though. Maybe, just maybe, someday, I'd be able to brew some confidence in a can and I'm sure gonna TM-label it as 'KS CONFIDENCE'.