MAMAGORI'S VIRGIN ENTRY

i'd never thought i'd ever attempt this..but here i am, a day after America's Independence Day, trying to craft my first ever blog entry.

how does one do this?..i've only seen the blog entries of others for the first time in my life just this very same day, but this can't be hard, right? why? i've been writing on scraps of paper all my life..or was it only after that maddening break-up with my first love?..or maybe it was that time when Mom yelled and I thought she was the worst person ever for showing favourtism for my lil' bro and i thought i would end up hating her all my life only to discover that i was adopted? ..or was that earlier still, when i did ask someone to spell out my name so that i can check that plastic piece of document that says, 'birth certificate', becuse i was sure i was adopted..but i couldn't be writing if i can't jolly well spell my own name, right?

whatever the case, friends reading this: NOTE: i'm NOT adopted..can't be..even my 4-mth old baby looks like me and i look like Mom when she was a teen..so, even if the birth certificate did lie, our genetic pools couldn't, i suppose..

anyway, i knew i've been writing stuff from a long time on scraps of paper and notebook which i have never quite put together for i am a klutz at such things..

then there's this thing; the blog.

i think it could document my entries and keep them in order for once. so hey, maybe, just maybe, this will work for me. maybe some 5 yrs down the road, i'll get to flick this page and out of curiousity, see what i wrote 5 yrs ago..what was of concern to me then and gain some insights, if not laugh or snicker at ME.

for the benefit of people who indeed would bother reading thus far, I'm MAMAGORI. a nick i obtained from a Math teacher at the age of 14 because she thought my burly self suited to be called just that. at that age, my full name does sound a trite too serious, something that didn't go very well with my persona..fun-loving, caring, big, burly and sometimes aggressive.

this name has stuck for close to 18 yrs now..and i think it'd do juz fine as a nick here, in this cyber world.

actually, something IS bothering me.

we're planning to relocate to the eastern part of Singapore...and there is this flat...i liked it instantly when i first stepped into it...almost instantly..love at first sight.

and then juz 2 nights ago, it seemed that this pretty, large house which was just rightly prized for my tiny budget, may slip away as i lay embrawled in fear that my present home which has not yet been sold to date will spoil everything..will opportunity slip? will my dream bubble burst into a million other insignificant bubbles?

i freaked out..and almost wanted to quit altogether and juz stay in our present home which was too far away from everything..i cannot bear this failing love affair

it is like love lost. i feel empty. but why? is it because i've been secretly dreaming of fixing up a new home, going round on the looped bus services, checking out the schools for my kids in the area? what? i'm restless. i don't dare make this decision.

Guess what?..mom JUZ called..seems like somehow, she feels my aches and knows i needed her blessings to go ahead with this major decision tonight..thank you Allah for listening to my little prayer for help...thank you MOM for 'knowing'..forgive me for thinking i WAS adopted :)

yippeee!!! I'm buying that home afterall...right now i feel a deep seated sense of peace..maybe this WILL be my brand new start.